Critique my outsourcing email?

[The_Kiwi_Man]

Could someone critique my email? Thanks!

Hi [FIRST NAME],

How are you?

I wanted to get in touch to see if you would be interested in being sponsored to write a post on your blog about [STORE NAME]? I’ve been looking at your blog and I see that you’ve featured [THE BRAND] a few times and I think [STORE NAME] would be a good fit as well.

We would like you to create a post about our company and we’ll compensate you for the time you’ve taken to do this. You can choose 1 item under $200 in the following categories and we’ll send it to you free of charge:

Accent Pillows

Sculptures

Accessories

Beyond this, you have creative freedom to do whatever you want – the only thing that we require is that you link to [STORE NAME]

If this sounds like something you would like to go forward with, let me know. Or, if you have any other ideas as to how you can partner with [STORE NAME], I’d love to hear them.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thank You,

[EMAIL SIGNATURE]

[MoosaHemani]

Travis is right! It is generic and it can risk you for manual penalty. On the other hand ask for a link directly in to your email is not a good idea at all.

If I would be at your place, I might have gone this way!

--

Hello [Name],

I was researching for some quality blogs relevant to [niche] and I found your blog very interesting. [Research a blog and talk a little more about it].

Actually we [name of your store] are planning to increase our audience’s reach and as I personally believe that you have the kind of audience we ideally want to interact with, I have a proposal for you!

You can visit our website and choose any product under $100 and we will deliver 2 pieces to your door step for free. One will obviously for you and other we want you to giveaway to your blog’s audience via a blog post or anything you like.

Please let me know if this is something you are willing to do!

Looking forward to hear from you!

Regards,
[your name]

--

I personally thing this email can also be optimized but atleast this sounds legit and do not really asking for link but you offer a situation in which he somehow have to link back to you the natural way!

Hope this helps1

[The_Kiwi_Man]

Yeah I watched that video like 20 times but I just can't think of a giveback.

[Bryan_Loconto]

I couldn't agree MORE with Travis here. Nails on a chalkboard!! Be very careful.

On a brighter note... have you seen the WBF from back in December 2012 where Rand addressed "What Separates a "Good" Outreach Email from a "Great" One?"

It doesn't necessarily address what you are trying to do here but if you haven't already seen it, I think you may get some GREAT takeaways from it!

Good luck!

[Travis_Bailey]

I think the understanding of the situation may be a little twisted. Say I give you a phone to review, FOC. Say I give you a duvet to review, free of charge. Or further, I give you a paper plate to review - free of charge.

All of these things cost something. They may be seen as gifts, rather than materials for review if they aren't returned. Giving someone a 'gift' for a 'link' is the very definition of a paid link. The 'gift' is the material.

Any material incentive for a link or links is a paid link, in the strictest sense.

Edit: I didn't adequately answer the question. Below is what I would do:

If you want someone to review a product, ensure that you have a return policy in place. It's not a gift at that point. If they don't return the product, they're a no-good scallywag.

[The_Kiwi_Man]

Yes but there is no monetary value. Only a product to review. Matt Cutts mentioned that you can give back something other than monetary value. What other incentive would you give?

[Travis_Bailey]

I would say it's terribly generic and you run the risk of a manual penalty. What you're soliciting is a paid link.

"We would like you to create a post about our company and we’ll compensate you for the time you’ve taken to do this. You can choose 1 item under $200 in the following categories and we’ll send it to you free of charge:

Accent Pillows

Sculptures

Accessories"

Paid links are bad, m'kay? The quoted text alone is enough to establish material incentive. So, do you want to run that risk?