Chris,
One way or another, unfortunately, your data will have to end up in Excel for you to get everything you want. Custom reports are powerful, but I suspect getting it all together simply will be impossible.
So, the issue is now: the pain in the ass that is re-downloading tons of .csvs everytime.
Ultimately, you'd probably best just hiring a GA API expert to build out what you want.
But if you want to give it a go on your own, I think where you might get a lot of help is from an Analytics Excel plugin like Excellent Analytics.
It can be a bit cumbersome getting the data out that you want, BUT the real benefit is that once you do have the queries in place, you can click update and the new data will roll in (see about 3/4 of the way down on their how-to page: http://excellentanalytics.com/how-to/). I can imagine a scenario where you have a few queries that pull raw data, then some a bunch of references in your master table of data.
Also, they're not the only ones with a GA/Excel plugin.
Good Luck
Mike